It was a dreary night
by Narutoso434
Summary: An introspective look into our thought process during a vexatious, enigmatic situation and some sick, disgusting pizza.


It was a dreary night, warranting of the kind of shuddersome sensation that nothing on Earth could fortify you for. Though, the most perturbing fact of the whole ordeal was that I lacked so much as a tenuous familiarity with the setting. I'd haphazardly emerged from a dusty old 8 foot 30x42 closet ridden with authentic cattleman's attire, pouring it all into a sloping pattern as I reluctantly proceeded through a room adorned with archaic, vacant picture frames, a bed with a frame comprised of miniature balusters as though they were purloined from a colosseum constructed by cockroaches, with an otherwordly surface encompassing the room. It was a luminescent, yet bleak atomic tangerine color with a tessellating symbol inscribed into it. It filled be with a kind of perturbation that can only be understood from an empirical standpoint, a kind that sounds drool from an outsider perspective, yet would render anyone having past experiences with it into fetal position.

As I dawdled my way over to the door, I took notice to the fact that the door had a crevice, only an inch or two in height and less than an inch in width, amid the door, roughly 4 feet onto it. Being a lanky fellow myself, I had to crouch slightly to peer through it, only to behold what no rational human being would anticipate, nothing. Quite literally, nothing, it was completely pitch black, void of so much as a modicum of evidence there was anything to encounter beyond the corridor I found myself in upon awakening. I was dumbstruck, I shook my head and peered through it again, out of consideration of the possibility of it having been nothing more than a phantasm, yet to no avail. I decided, against every instinct I had at that moment, that my eyes were deceiving my and that I shan't allow this enigmatic sight to deter me from leaving this mysterious home and returning to my own abode. I closed my eyes, grasped the door knob and proceeded to step, only to find myself clinging to it for dear life less than a second later. The door flew open and I found myself situated against the external wall, screaming in unadulterated terror. I'd noticed as I found myself there that the room was, in fact, floating in mid air, in what appeared to be some sort of pitch black purgatory. I eventually managed to awkwardly maneuver my way back into the room, injuring my left popliteal fossa as I fumbled my way back.

I sat there at the door and experienced an existential crisis unlike any other throughout the course of my life. I gazed into the black abyss becoming more and more aware of just how inexorable of a quandary this is, what little there is for me to do in response to it and overall, how hopeless I am. I proceeded to retrieve some of the attire from the closet, reenact as many scenes as I could recall from Back to the Future part 2 while wearing them and then, step into the abyss. I approached the precipice-like doorstep and fortified myself to fall into it. I was about to exclaim something, though, stammered instead "Goodb-, Well thi-." I had taken into realization that just about everything I'd intended to exclaim was featured in a film, video game or other piece of fictitious media. I decided that prior to committing suicide, I should ensure that my famous last words are entirely novel, rather than regurgitating some sort of Hollywood cliche as I confront my imminent demise. I thought that whether anyone was present to witness it or not, it would be a disservice to myself if I were to allow my last living moment to be sullied by such generic drivel. I sat on the doorstep and began to contemplate what I should say short of falling, when I noticed a red figure in the distance approaching. I stood up and squinted my eyes in effort to discern its appearance, though, it was far too distant. As it continued to approach, it became abundantly clear that this was some sort of living creature, almost appearing as though it were a rabbit. As it drew closer, I had finally taken into realization what it was, the Noid, Domino's Pizzas old mascot appearing in commercials circa the 90's, I immediately closed the door, searched for a means of avoiding it, though, to no avail. The Noid entered the room, slapped, kicked, bit and stole my cell phone, he then cancelled my Domino's Pizza order and consulted Papa John's alternatively. After the pizza delivery man arrived in his hovering purgatory car, he squeezed the pizza grease all over me, threw the pepperonis at me like shurikens and beat me mercilessly with nunchucks he had formed using two pizza crusts.

Here I lie, forlorn in a purgatory I'm not entirely sure how I happened upon in the first place, destined to never receive another coupon from Domino's Pizza for the remainder of my existence as a repercussion of my inability to effectively avoid the Noid. I beseech anyone who might happen upon this to please, avoid the Noid, regardless of your scenario. Take whatever lengths you can to ensure that you continue to receive quality pizza, whether you're on the verge to death or otherwise. Had I simply remained in that closet, as opposed to sitting on that doorstep, I would never have exposed myself to the Noid and found myself in the hopeless scenario I'm in as I write this. By all means, please, ensure that you avoid the Noid.


End file.
